Saturday, December 31, 2016

Goodbye, 2016

I didn't want to write a post about 2016, because I didn't know if I could write anything good. In all honesty, I think this was the second worst, if not the worst, year of my life. Not necessarily because of the events of the year, but emotionally and spiritually it was a struggle. But, I don't feel like I lost something this year, in fact, I feel I gained much.

I come away with a thankful heart. Thankful for those burdens that have only made me stronger, not broken me. God does work in mysterious ways! In the course of this year I didn't think I could ever be thankful for it. But God taught me that there is good in all things. Sometime you just need to look a little harder.

In January I learned I was capable in ways I never knew. I started this year filled with fear for the future and a pain filled heart. I didn't have time to comprehend the turns my life had taken. My friend's wedding was coming up and it was a busy time. I didn't have time to think and adding in the stress and fear of being her personal attendant and doing her wedding flowers....Sigh, it was hard. My goal at that time was to "just keep going". And I did. I felt in January that I hadn't just said "goodbye" to 2015, but that I had said "goodbye" to the person I had been. Realizing that, I didn't know who I was anymore.

In February I wrote in my diary over and over again that I felt frozen. Like I was just waiting for something. I felt confused and overwhelmed. I focused only on work, because in most part it at least, had stayed the same. Us young people had gone to the beach and it was amazing. It felt perfect and I had so much fun. Afterwards I felt lost, like though we had fun, we were all different. Our relationship had changed and it scared me.

That's what I felt for months...Just waiting. I felt like I was waiting to find out who I was and how it was affecting all my relationships. I came to pity myself. I started focusing on what I didn't have and became so depressed and wrapped up in myself I could barely function. I felt that nobody cared about what I said or what I felt. In the end, I am thankful. I did find out who I was, I got a good look at what I was. I started seeing myself and seen what I was becoming.

So I am thankful. I learned to turn to Jesus, to trust in His Word. I found I was blaming everybody for how I felt when it was mostly my fault. I learned so much about myself and about my faith. I am not sure I know how to say what I want to. But this year, though hard, taught me so much.

There were many good time amidst all those mixed up feeling I've had. I made a new friend when I accidentally sent a message I wasn't sure I wanted to send. I am very thankful I did send that message! Though it seems we don't get to see each other often, I come away feeling blessed when we do.

I have gone to the Ranch twice this year, gone to the Memorial Day Campout, spent evenings hanging out with friends and just made many good memories!

 So, though I would never choose to live this year again, I am very thankful. I am thankful for all the lessons I have learned, though I will probably need to relearn them many times before they stick. So it is with a thankful heart that I welcome in the New Year.

Many blessings to you all this New Year!

Love and God's Peace, Marita <3

Monday, November 21, 2016

Lessons Learned

This last year has been quite a ride. During this time I have learned much about my faith, my self and just life in general. I have had more questions in my mind then ever before (and that is saying a lot!) and I have been so back and forth on my thoughts and feelings. Now looking back I see that I have learned much in this year! Just thought I would share some of what I have learned and am learning!

1: This World Is Not My Home
For years now I have felt without a home. Drifting from place to place and never truly belonging. I have so longed for a place of my own. A place where I would never need worry about leaving again, where I could stay forever if I wanted or leave if I wanted. A place I could go and not leave for a month straight if I chose and just not see anyone. But I have learned that life won't ever be that perfect. There will always be responsibilities on earth that are placed on us despite what we want. If you have a house, you have to pay bills, to pay bills you have to have a job, etc... I have been so reassured by the words- This world is not my home.
Just knowing that I have a home in heaven can so lift a burden. When I am tired or overwhelmed, those words can be such a perfect reminder.
This world is not my resting place.

2: Trust In the Lord
This one has been hard. I am still learning it. Each day I get up and am faced with anxiety and fears. Perhaps my childhood is responsible in part for all my fears and perhaps it is in part just my personality and flesh. I fear losing another loved one, and that fear has made it hard for me to love. To love is a very hard thing! Loving completely is something I struggle with because with love comes pain. But it has been harder for me to try to not love. Sometimes loving is easier, other times it is much harder. But I am learning to trust God, trust Him with my fears. Trust Him with my future and family.

3: I Cannot Save the World
This has been a struggle my whole life! As a child I would lay awake at night praying for every single person, saying that though I didn't know everyone's names, He did. I used to ask my Mom, "Why? Why can't everyone believe?". I sorrow for the world and it's sin. I still struggle daily with this! This comes into trusting God, knowing that though I am weak, "He is strong." I cannot save the world, but Jesus can. I can only pray for those struggling, whether they struggle spiritual or physically. I can be there when I can and if given the opportunity I can tell them about Jesus. I can plant the seed, or water the seed, but only God can give the increase. This comes under learning to trust in God.

4: I am Not Perfect
There. I am not. I am a perfectionist, I expect perfection from myself and try to hide when I fail. I want others to see me as perfect. I am not. Perhaps my biggest fault is pride. I know I am not perfect, but I try my best to make everyone think I am. I am weak, I struggle, I have temptations and burdens. I fail every day. No. I am not perfect. Slowly, very slowly, I am learning that I need to accept me. I am learning to look at myself through Jesus' eyes. Something I tell myself to do for others, but never crossed my mind before to do it for myself. Jesus loves me. He died for me. He has washed me and made me a new creature. I am my biggest critic and it is a daily struggle, I hate failing.

So, just a few things I am learning. I am learning to trust God, with all things. By far the hardest lesson I have ever learned! I am very controlling, because I hate feeling out of control. Learning to trust God and let Him be in control has been hard and I still fight Him on it. By God's grace I am learning to grow in faith. I am taking baby steps and at times I have to sit down and crawl for fear that I will fall. But God is here holding my hand and leading me everyday.
I don't post often mostly out of fears, my insecurities. Mostly I fear being misunderstood or saying something wrong.  Please bear with me friends and family, I know I have very much to learn.

God Bless,
<3 Marita

P.S. I updated my About Me page, click here to check it out!

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Favorite Quotes Tag

I got tagged awhile ago by LaKaysha for the favorite quotes tag. I am not sure what to post since though I have favorite quotes, it seems when I am supposed to do something like this I forget them all... :P it goes... ;)

I'm alone, yet not alone. God's the Light that will guide me home. With His love and tenderness, leading though the wilderness. And wherever I may roam, I'm alone, yet not alone. - Alone Yet Not Alone sung by Joni Eareckson Tada

O safe to the Rock that is higher than I, my soul in it's conflict and sorrows would fly; So sinful, so weary, Thine, Thine would I be; Thou blest "Rock of Ages", I'm hiding in Thee. - Hymn, I don't remember the title, but love the words!

Lord clasp my faltering hand in Thine, to weak I am to walk alone. - From my favorite song Confidence.

"You can't get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me." C.S. Lewis

"One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar." Helen Keller

"Either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing." Benjamin Franklin

Oh, they say when you marry in June, your a bride all your life, and the bridegroom who marries in June, gets a sweetheart for a wife.  - Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. " - Abraham Lincoln

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and, smarter than you think" - Christopher Robin from Winnie the Pooh

"Now, think of the happiest things, It's the same as having wings." - Peter Pan

"The very things that hold you down are going to lift you up." -Timothy Mouse, Dumbo

"No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep believing, the dream that you wish will come true." - Cinderella

"You're never too old to be young." - Snow White

So there are a few of my favorites! I am not going to tag anyone, but if you want to go ahead and comment with a link so I can read it! ;)
Hope you enjoyed!
<3 Marita

Friday, September 9, 2016

Home Sweet Home

Next spring/summer Marissa and I may have our very own home. It is still nine months away so it is not set in stone. But a place is a available and we can afford it(even if it is just barely.) Quite honestly, I am so excited! The apartment is owned by my cousin and her husband, and they live in it currently but when their house is done they will be moving out.
 I can't help but start dreaming and making plans. Of course, it will be awhile before we can be there, but that just gives us time to save up for the things we will need but don't have! Hopefully we can start out with just what we need and slowly add in other furniture. It will be slow, because like I said, money will be tight. But it is so worth it!
 I haven't felt like I had a real home since I was is just such a rollercoaster. Ever since Mom got sick things have just been so... I guess I just don't know a word to describe life since. I have learned that there is only one home for a Christian...Heaven. More and more I long to be there. But as life goes on I have been slowly learning to be content. Oh, it can be a struggle, but overall I feel I have grown and thank God for each day that I can grow more in.
 I have so many dreams....dreams that I pray can come true. I have long wanted my own business (I have wrote about that before), I have wanted so many different businesses that it is hard knowing what I truly would like! But I think I would like a bakery/cafe. Basically the dream I have had longest in life, aside from getting married, being a mother, etc. I just love cooking and baking for people and have since I made my first box cake. It wasn't much of an accomplishment and Mom help quite a bit, but it fueled my love of baking. I haven't had much of a chance in recent years to improve my baking skills. I love breads and pastries but those take too much time for after work. But I am hoping to bake once we get our own place (I will be able to stay up all night baking if need be) and hopefully start an online bakery. Might be a little bit of a far fetched dream, but oh, I hope it can be!
 Most importantly, having our place gives us stability. A place that is all our own and of which we can work towards our dreams. Perhaps I am being an optimist, but that is what I hope our own place means. 
 I will be working more at my current job, with hopes that someday with my bakery, etc. I can eventually quit. Though I feel I will always be tied in someway to that little flower shop. I do enjoy doing wedding flowers, but it can be quite stressful. I do not think flowers are my thing, but it is something I can do and is available to me. These days I do arranging everyday, working on orders or flowers for the cooler. I do enjoy it much more than I did.
 Yesterday Marissa and I rearranged our room. It felt so good! I just can't wait to have a real room to decorate. Between the two of us, we have so much stuff that this small room just can't be made to look good....maybe nice, but not good.  The way we have it now gives us much more floor space and makes the room feel way bigger. Thankful for small blessings.
This fall (it is actually coming!) I keep dreaming about next fall when we are supposed to be in our new home. Oh I just can't wait to make hot apple cider, read a book and sit next to the fireplace! Wood heat is the only way to go! I grew up with it and furnaces just don't compare.

 Just a little note.... :) I have been busy at work and in my head I am mentally busy (is that actually a thing?), Or that's how I feel anyways. With my new schedule I feel a little overwhelmed and at times wish I could just get away. But, makes that impossible.

Hope you enjoyed!

God Bless, Marita <3

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

By The Book Tag

Hey! :) Shantelle @ A Writer's Heart tagged me for this, so here I am.. :) Thank you Shantelle!

What Book Is On Your Nightstand Now?

Don't Give Up, Don't Give In : Lessons From An Extraordinary Life By Louis Zamperini & David Resin. This is kind of a autobiography, but not.. :P I want to read Louis Zamperini's real autobiography, Devil At My Heels eventually. I read Unbroken By Laura Hillenbrand and am now attached to Louis Zamperini. *Sigh* I know I am silly, but for some reason he just intrigues me.
*This is also one of the books in my Reading List For 2016 post. Would you believe it if I say I believe this is the first book I am reading on that list? :P

What Was the Last Truly Great Book You Read?
Hmm...this one is hard. Probably would be Stepping Heavenward  By Elizabeth Prentiss. This is an all-time favorite now and I have actually read it a few times.

If You Could Meet Any Writer - Dead or Alive - Who Would It Be? And What Would You Want To Know?
Well... I would have to say Apostle Paul...does that count??? I love his epistles, Romans especially, but I don't know if he would count as a writer. I have long wished I could just sit and visit with him, not necessarily on any specific subject. Or as second choice I would choose Laura Ingalls Wilder.. :)

What Books Might We Be Surprised to Find On Your Shelves?
Well... I would probably have to say westerns??? I enjoy Louis L'Amour westerns when I am in the mood, but typically don't like many westerns. I grew up with too many and I find them way to predictable. Mustang Man would be my favorite Louis L'Amour western ( I like his other books like, Last of the Breed better.)

How Do You Organize Your Personal Library?
I actually live apart from most of my books right now *frown*, but I think I remember how I have them organized. I have my biographies/autobiographies on one shelf, organized by subject and era. My next shelf is books for young readers, organized by author and/or series. My last shelf is for my romance novels which I have organized by author/series. I think that is how I have them anyways...I used to reorganize them quite a bit. :P

What Book Have You Always Meant to Read But Haven't Got Around Yet?
Hmm... probably Uncle Tom's Cabin By Harriet Beecher Stowe. I just keep reading other books instead. Hopefully one of these days I can get to it...

Anything You Feel Embarrassed Never to Have Read?
I read quite a variety and I can't think of anything that I would be embarrassed to have not read... :P

Disappointing, Overrated, Just Not Good: What Book Did You Feel You Are Supposed to Like But Didn't?
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer By Mark Twain. It never caught my interest and it just bored me. I was disappointed because I had always enjoyed the children's version of the book.

Do You Remember the Last Book You Put Down Without Finishing?
Hmmm...I think it was The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes By Sir Arthur Conan Doyle... not because I didn't like it. I think I stopped reading it to read Little Women and just never picked it up again. I want to finish it, but it isn't close at hand right now.

What Kind Of Stories Are You Drawn To? Any You Stay Clear Of?
I really am mostly drawn to autobiographies. I love reading peoples personal accounts, journals, and/or what their friends/family have to say. I would probably say true accounts of WWII draw me the most. For fiction, I like historical romance, adventure stories (like Johnny Tremain, Around the World In 80 Days, etc.) and Christian suspense novels.
Books I stay clear of??? Any books I find that go against God's Word. If I find they are misleading on what God's Word is, that really irritates me and I won't read that author again.

If You Could Require The President to Read One Book, What Would It Be?
I have to say the same as Shantelle, the Bible. :)

What Do You Plan to Read Next?
Queen of The Waves By Janice Thompson... I have never read this author, I seen this at the library and got it. I am hoping it is a good read.

I Tag...
LaKaysha @ Calico and Lace

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Top Favorite Musicals

Okay, so I have always loved musicals. Growing up that is what we watched, whether they were animated or real, live people. Over the years I have found them to be some of my favorite kind of movies, along with any other old classic.
So, here is some of my favorites!

Singin'  In The Rain - 1952
Starring Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds
This is a new one for me, but it is by far my favorite musical! I wouldn't suggest it for a boy as it does have some women dressed inappropriately and a dance scene I would have skipped. The movie is set in the Roaring 20's, an era which intrigues me, and is about the switching from silent films to "talkies". So with the era it is set in, the story its about, and the era it was made in, I of course fell in love!

Meet Me in St. Louis - 1945
Starring Judy Garland and Tom Drake
This one renewed my love for musicals a few years ago! I love the story about the "boy next door", it is such a sweet romance...sigh.. The little sister, Tootie, is a character you don't forget. She can be quite...scary, as a child whose dolls "die" and dreams up plans to derail trolleys...ya, she is a strange child. This movie is set during the 1904 St. Louis World Fair and introduced the song "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas".  All in all, a great musical of the era!

On Moonlight Bay - 1951
Starring Doris Day and Gordon MacRae
Now this one caught me with the title for I just love that song! This movie is set during the years right before World War I, the era once again caught my eye also. She is a tomboy, baseball player and he a college student who is passionate about what he believes in. Her little brother Wesley is sorta the "Tootie" of this movie, only not in a creepy way. He is a boy who just likes to make trouble and be a pest to his big sister. Fell in love with all of the characters in this one, including the housekeeper and her parents. Her father, Leon Ames, also is the father in Meet Me in St. Louis. There is one scene in here, which I think is supposed to be against drinking, that we skip for it is a little strange, but the movie can be confusing without it.... This ends with William (Gordon MacRae) going off to fight and he and Marjorie (Doris Day) are engaged.

 By the Light of the Silvery Moon - 1953
Starring Doris Day and Gordon MacRae
This movie is the second half of On Moonlight Bay, and it is set after WWI is over. Of course more troubles come up... From Marjorie and William trying to decide when to get married, to family problems... The main story of this movie is that Marjorie and Wesley think their father is with an actress (which ends up being just a misunderstanding), but it takes away from the overall story rating. I loved the singing and the acting, but that little bit does take a lot from it.

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers - 1954
Starring Jane Powell and Howard Keel
This one has long been a favorite! I grew up singing, "Oh they say when you marry in June, you're a bride, all your life, and the bridegroom who marries in June, gets a sweetheart for a wife..." Love this movie! I love the dancing, the singing and I love the acting! All these good movies sure knew what acting was. The choreography is amazing ( as it is in Singin' In the Rain also). I love when groups dance in perfect time!

In the Good Old Summertime - 1949
Starring Judy Garland and Van Johnson
This movie is about two people who are writing to each other and fall in love, but do not know who the other is. They then find out they both work together and have never gotten along! I can't remember but I think the last scene might have been a bit iffy, but I can't say for sure. Judy Garland does a wonderful job! If you have ever watched The Shop Around the Corner with Jimmy Stewart, it is the same story, but turned into a musical.

The Happiest Millionaire - 1967
Starring Fred MacMurray and Greer Garson
This movie has you singing the songs for months after! I love the father/daughter story and the sweet romance. It is a sweet, sad and funny movie.  Lesley Ann Warren and John Davidson's first movie, they do a great job! Songs by my all-time favorite composers/sonwriters, the Sherman Brothers. I love the cast for this movie, overall a job well done!

Holiday Inn - 1942
Starring Bing Crosby and Marjorie Reynolds
I got this one for Christmas and I fell in love! I LOVE Bing Crosby! I have nothing bad to say about this movie, I love the songs, the acting and the dancing! This is by far the most modest of all the musicals on here, as musicals tend to have some immodesty with their dancing. But I just love Bing Crosby's voice!

Anyways, here are just a few of my favorites, not in any perfect order as the last on this list is my probably my favorite.
<3 Marita

Friday, July 1, 2016

Life....a picture post

Just some pictures from the last couple weeks...been sooo busy!

This is how I have been spending my free time! Love when I have time for crocheting, knitting, but most of all, playing the piano!

Made some Vanilla Pudding the other night! Mmm! Was so good!

Babysitting these kiddos!

Beautiful Abigail!


The kiddos I spend most of my time with!

Supper I came up with, sorta followed a recipe, but not really... :P

Riding home from the park in Colten's new pickup!

Watching the guys play 500...

Me :)

Yes. They are crazy...


"Baby" Isn't he a cutie?! :)


A couple of my littles! <3

These are off my phone so aren't the greatest! Hope you enjoy!
God's Peace,

Sunday, June 12, 2016

These Are a Few Of My Favorite Things Tag

So... I was tagged by Daminika @WalkingInTheSonshine...a LONG time ago! Sorry Ducky!
My post won't be as pretty as her's or anything because I am not good at doing pictures, but I will try my best! I am not sure if these are all my favorites, it is hard to choose only ten things!

1: Old Recipes
I LOVE old recipes! I love cooking or baking old recipes, it makes me feel like I am closer to people in history.... I have cookbooks from the mid 1800's and I love trying those recipes, it is hard though because they do not use the same measurements as us so I use a lot of guesstimating... I don't have much time for trying new recipes anymore, but I dream of it all the time!

2: Anything OLD I probably could have done this for the first one, but anyways.... I love all old things, old songs, old furniture, and especially old houses! I dream of buying an old house and fixing it up to be like it was back in the day. I am especially fascinated with colonial and plantation houses! And I love songs from historical times, they seem to all tell a story that is usually unheard... I just love, love, love old things!

3. Books
I love books! I love how they can take you to another world, I love getting to know the characters but most of all I love learning! I love when I come upon a little bit of random knowledge that I didn't know before. It is usually those small tidbits that stick in my head! I love learning new words and reading of different times and ways of life! I just LOVE reading!

4. Old Classic Movies/Shows
My reason I love these is because I love the era they were made in... I love to see how people back in the 1930's-60's were just like you and me. I love the era when there was some modern technology which was new to them, but it was before all the "instant" technology of today.  I just LOVE anything...old!:P

5. My Nieces and Nephews
I LOVE my nieces and nephews! I love the ones who I have grown up with as friends, I love the ones who have slowly grown (and are growing) to be friends, and I love the babies who are so innocent... I love getting to know them each individually if I have a chance and trying to spoil them! I love the hugs and kisses from the "littles" and the teasing from the "big" ones! All in all, I just LOVE each and everyone of my nieces and nephews! I don't always understand all of them or get along all the time with them, but I am so blessed to have them in my life!

6. Wide Open Spaces
I love being able to go out side and just...breathe! I love being able to not see another person all day if I don't want to or walk all day and not come to a house or road. There aren't many places around here to do that, even in the mountains you can see towns down below... I miss my childhood home, The Ranch, where I spent my days roaming around, watching the cattle and wildlife and seeing God in His creation. I love the breeze on my face, the dust and the sun! I loved staying at Carson and Mindy's, for it was a little like that...walks through the woods, Freckles bounding along side, deer, sunshine...etc... It wasn't perfect, the neighbors were close, you could hear the cars on the road...but it was just enough! Mmmm! I miss the mountains...real mountains!

7. Spicy Foods
So, a little silly... :P But it is the truth...I absolutely LOVE anything spicy! I love peppercinis, jalopenos and just about anything that makes my mouth burn! I didn't realize this one until recently! But, mmmm! I get serious cravings for such goodness!

8. Letters
I love writing letters and I love getting letters... It has been a while since I have written anyone... Sorry! I just haven't been able to find time to write anything lately. I just love reading a letter, knowing that that person took time out of their day to sit and write me. I love writing letters, I love sitting with pen and paper...

9. Mornings 
 I love early mornings alone! I love when I can get up before anyone and sit and pray... I haven't had a morning like that in a long time and it is hard for me to start my days without it.... I love making coffee and breakfast for everyone...though that hasn't happened much. I love sitting outside and listening to the birds and walking in the dewy grass, things I haven't done since Mom died.  When I was little I loved getting up and Mom would be the only one up, I would sneak outside until Mom came and told me to come in... I loved those mornings!

10. Making Things
 I love making things, be it knitting, crocheting or cooking. I love scrapbooking, editing pictures or anything that has you putting stuff together. I just love knowing that I did this, even if it isn't the best it even that good at all. Not saying I don't like it when it does turn out good... :) I love trying g to decorate or organize. One of my biggest dreams is to have a vegetable garden and also a flower garden. But I love harvesting, picking all-day then canning or drying. I love lookibg at the jars all lined up and feeling satisfied after a long days work. The best way to fill fall evenings is snapping green beans or putting a batch of something drying. I just love working with anything that has meaning to me. It is so hard to work when I don't feel it is important. Stacking wood, power washing fences...just anything that like that makes me feel like I am actually doing something...

 Anyways....there are my favorite things.... I had the hardest time with this post! I dobt know who is left to tag so I just won't worry about that. Doing this on my phone so a little hard to figure it all out.

God's Peace,



Monday, May 30, 2016

Memorial Day Campout

This year I went to the Memorial Day Campout my church does every year...this was a first for me... I really enjoyed it, mostly for just the newness if it, but also I enjoyed visiting with friends.
We had beautiful weather, very sunny and hot for the most part, but the shade was pretty chilly.... I never knew if I need my sweater or not. We spent most of our time sitting in camp or walking since there really isn't much else to do there, other than visit... We also went to the falls near by and that was absolutely beautiful! I loved seeing people I don't usually see though sometimes it was pretty nerve-racking to see others I try to avoid.... I don't like talking to "strangers"!
We did lots of singing around the fire the first night and I really LOVED that!
Here are some pictures that I took on my phone so they probably aren't the best quality. They aren't in any kind of order either.

I didn't get any pictures of going to the falls because I left my phone in the van, not good service and tried not to use up battery any more than necassary so didn't get a whole lot of pictures altogether.
Hope you anjoy these!
God's Peace,

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Small Steps

Hey! It has been a while since I last post. I have been busy with work and trying to get ready for summer (getting appointments out of the way, etc...) so I haven't had time to really sit down and write. The weather here has been beautiful and the few rain showers are a refreshing. I am totally loving this spring, though it is a bit hotter than I would have chosen. All this sunshine is making me want to get my toes in dirt and plant a garden! I love gardening and harvest time!
Anyways, been doing a lot of dreaming lately... I am trying to start an Etsy shop so have been reading up and knitting like crazy these last few days. I am so excited to at least be making a start toward my dream of owning my own store. Honestly, I am nervous too, for I don't know much legal stuff....been researching like crazy all the ins and outs of online businesses. I do hope that someday I can turn it into more than just an online business. But just these last few weeks though I haven't quite had time to work much on it.
 My boss's husband passed away about 3 weeks ago so work has been way busier...not the easiest weeks of my life. Though I am not terribly close to her or her family, these last few weeks have been stressful. Slowly things are getting into a new "normal".
 I am getting anxious for Marissa and I to find a place of our own... I feel so stuck and unable to make steps towards that goal. By the time I finish work each day I want to go home and sleep. I don't enjoy my job, though I have always counted myself lucky that I don't work anywhere else, but being the only employee is a stress load I would rather not have. I don't feel I have time to even think these days...
 I do hope that Marissa and I can find our own place and perhaps then life could get into a routine where I could actually dream again and think that dreams were possible... I have always dreamed only possible dreams and now when all things in life seem impossible I have stopped dreaming for the most part.
 This Memorial weekend a group of us are planning on going to our church camp out. I have never gone and am quite nervous but I am so tired of the same ole, same ole... I do enjoy being with new people so I am looking forward to it, but I always feel...different from most people, I guess. I always go overboard and am too bold and loud. I usually end up embarrassing myself and those with me... Anyways, enough of my troubles... :P

God's Peace,


Friday, March 25, 2016

...And Life Goes On

I haven't had time to really sit down and think, or maybe I just haven't wanted to. When I moved in to my brother Clinton's  house I was so busy I didn't truly adjust. Slowly as time has moved on I find I did what I always do when a big change happens. I went back to reading, a lot... I seem to do that when I decide I don't want to really face reality even if reality isn't necessarily bad. I don't like any change and sometimes wish things stayed the same always, but then other times I feel the complete opposite.
Work has been going good, sometimes I am actually happiest there because I feel like I know my place and who I am supposed to be there. Other times I wish I could leave and go do something of my choosing. I always feel like I am on the edge of something "big" and "new" but never does it come. I dream an then place those dreams on the back burner, feeling guilty for not being content here and now. My boss has so much going on in her life and she counts me as her family, I feel guilty wishing for a job with a higher pay. I make enough, but not enough to live on my own with and at times I feel like if only I could make more it would solve so many problems. I hate knowing that if I had no family to go to I wouldn't be able to take care of myself, but I know I should trust God. I don't know why I am writing all this, but I think that over the last couple months I have been in my own little world.
February went by in a whirlwind and March the same. I feel I don't even remember much of what has gone on these last couple months. We started a book club, which in reality is just an excuse to get together, but I am enjoying it. I still go clean for my sister Clarissa every other week and I still play the piano at church every fourth Sunday. Life has stayed the same in so many ways, and is completely different. In some ways I feel like I am not as close to my friends anymore, we all seem to have our own lives. I am not saying that is necessarily bad, but it was unexpected at this time and moment. I feel like I am in my own little world, separate from my family... A world where I work, eat, sleep and repeat the same thing every week.  So as much I am saying I don't like change, I want a change...
A year ago I was living at my sister Mindy's house with my sister Marissa. A "taste" of living alone and two of the happiest months of my life. Perhaps it is such a good memory (even if my car did burn!) because it wasn't truly life. We tried to make it wonderful because we knew it wouldn't last... Whatever the reason for it, I LOVED it and I miss those days. It felt as if it were a fairytale and that all dreams could come true. Since then I have been wanting that to all come back, that feeling of unreality, but I feel that is impossible.
Today is Good Friday and I don't know why today all of this is coming to mind, I guess thinking about how Jesus died on that cross at Calvary brought me back to reality. I love Eastertime for the reminder it is that He IS risen, that He is here always. I find such joy in that knowledge! Through all the trials of this life and through all my struggles He has been the one constant.
Sunday we will be having Easter Dinner at my Dad's, I am baking rolls with my sister and hoping to bake dessert of some kind. I am looking forward to the family time, though I am supposed to be playing the piano on Sunday and I don't have any songs... (eek!) I am hoping to be more here in life now, but it isn't always easy.
I have lots more that I want to write much for my idea to write every week! But I am hoping to write more again...hopefully...
God's Peace,
Marita <3

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Winter Wedding

Okay, so I am a little late... I have been so exhausted since Kaysha and Roger's wedding! It was go, go, go for days...
We had Kaysha's Last Night Out on Wednesday (Jan. 20th). We got our nails done which took hours then we went to the Cheesecake Factory...the closest was an hour away.. So we didn't eat till late, like...7:30? Or 8? I am not sure, but I have to say it was worth it, the food was delicious! We stayed up till 2AM or so...I don't know what time I fell asleep though...
The next morning Marissa, Felicity and I got up at 7AM because we had to work. Everybody else was still sleeping so we went to Burgerville for breakfast, which was very relaxing.  I went to work, then picked up a few things and went to the church to help decorate. We were there for hours it felt like and we were still so exhausted from the last night out. I ran and picked up pizza for everybody at the church, then we all went home to sleep.
Friday (Jan. 22nd) was crazy busy! I got up and left the house around 8:20AM to run and pick up some flowers from were I work for Kaysha's bouquet, after that I ran to pick up snacks for the bridal party and then met at my aunt and uncle's to go with them to pick up the rest of the flowers. Kaysha had asked me to do her flowers and my boss showed me how to do boutonnieres. So Kaysha's dad, my uncle O'Neil and I, left to get the flowers...neither of us knew what we were doing! Oh but it all worked out, the flowers looked fresh. He dropped me off to get my car and I headed to the church... I didn't help much with decorating because of the flowers. It took hours making the 19 boutonnieres and 7 bouquets! I stayed in the same spot for most of the day and never ate lunch. Finally I got so hungry around 3PM that I ran and picked up Burgerville for Marissa and I. It was a much needed break and I felt sooo refreshed after. For the rehearsal dinner we had pizza....again, but at the time all we cared about was that it was food. We started the rehearsal and I was sooo nervous! I had no idea what, I as Kaysha's personal attendant, was supposed to do. It was a learning experience and I had help from the groom's sister, Christie. It all went good and I learned a lot. I still wasn't confident about directing people around, especially people I don't know! After the rehearsal I ran back down to the basement to finish the bouquets and wow was that a relief to have done! Then it was home again to try and sleep before the big day!
January 23rd, 2016- The wedding day!
I woke up at 6AM and hurried, too fast to be nervous. I left the house at 7:15AM with hopes to be at my Dad's before the bridesmaids started to arrive at 8AM. Once people started coming I was soooo busy! I hardly remember the day, just remember running everywhere. At around 10:00, Felicity and I ran to get the bouquets and boutonnieres from the church.  The "First Look" was set to be at 11:00 so the groomsmen all came then. Kaysha wasn't ready so we had them all stay downstairs. It was an exciting rush!
It rained most of the day so taking pictures was interesting....Kaysha didn't get many but I suppose she got enough. I was outside holding an umbrella over her head while they took them and just helping with whatever the photographer needed. Honestly, I don't remember much...LOL!
I remember I ran around, trying to make sure everyone was doing what they were supposed to be and making sure everyone had their boutonnieres. It was a crazy, crazy day...
Once it was time to start walking down the aisle it happened all sooo fast.  I barely had time to think and it was all least the main "big" stuff.
It was a long and very stressful day...but I wouldn't have missed it for anything... So bittersweet to watch the first of your friends to marry their bestfriend...
I got anxious just writing this! Hope it isn't all just a jumbled up, confusing post...
I wanted to post a few pictures, but when I try to upload them on here they are blurry... Hope to just do a picture post of it all...

God's Peace, Marita <3

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Reading List For 2016

Over this year there are quite a few books I would like to finish/read. I thought I would write them all out for you all! I don't know if I will be able to finish them all, but I am hoping to get a lot of "good" books in this year.

I am hoping  to read all these, but knowing me, I will probably get sidetracked before finishing them. But...I am hoping to read at least some of these and if not these books than some other "good" book.
I am hoping this year to post a least once a week, but that might not be what happens. My cousin, Kaysha, is getting married on the 23rd and I am her personal attendant and I am doing her flowers, so I don't know if I will end up posting next week... EEK! SO excited, but nervous too...

God's Peace,
<3 Marita